Music is My Memory

by distractingdelusions

My memory is defined by songs.

Songs I love, songs I remember, songs that were just, there.

So many emotions can be brought back by music and words I haven’t heard in years. I remember being eight, or four, or twelve. But I don’t really remember being those ages until I hear a song I remember from that time. Once that happens, I’m there reliving every detail in my head.

Music has defined my life since an early age, and its helped me to grow as a person.

I doubt I’d ever have attempted learning Portuguese if I hadn’t listened to Sepultura, or German if I hadn’t listened to Rammstein. I probably wouldn’t have traveled to Belgium, Germany, Sweden, or Japan if I hadn’t been there on tour with various choirs. And I may never have met my partner and started a family if I hadn’t been into goth and EBM music.

The saddest thing I have ever heard someone say was in a restaurant I used to go to with my parents. I must have been about fifteen, maybe sixteen, at the time. It was said by a man who was probably in his mid-to-late thirties* whilst he, his partner, and a couple they were with were sat no more than five metres from where I was. They were looking through old photos of themselves from when they were all teenagers, and the man said,

“My god, look at my hair. Why did I ever think it was cool to have long hair like that? I don’t even listen to that stuff anymore, how embarrassing.”

And I thought to myself, as a fifteen/sixteen year old viola & piano playing, choir singer who was also into metal and sung in a punk/deathmetal band,

‘I hope I never grow into that. I don’t ever want to be ashamed of who I have been. Not for anyone.’

Now, at the tender age of twenty-nine, I haven’t sung in a band or with a choir for almost ten years. But I still listen to the songs I used to, I’m still proud of who I have been, and it doesn’t look like either of those things will ever change.

Music is my memory, and I will never forget the amazing places I have been, or the wonderful people I have met, because of it.


*(Adults are just adults at that age, and after what he said I decided he was an idiot anyway, so who cares how old he was.)